all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
