Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
