That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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