and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have demons in me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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