All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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