he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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