i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just want to make out with him forever
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
