She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
