Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Randomize
