Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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