Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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