wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Shame - the story of my life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
