it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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