Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
