I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Non-Jews are for practice
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
