So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
