I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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