I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
