We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
