so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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