So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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