meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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