I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
