When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
