They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
