I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
