Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
