My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
