He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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