this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
