I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A bitchslap is in order.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
