i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
