I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
