You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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