Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
