Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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