Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize