It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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