i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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