God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
