its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
