I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
