When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
