Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
