either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
