A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
