I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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