I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Farmville is her only friend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
