when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
