please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize