why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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