You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
