His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
