I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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