Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
a search helicopter?!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
