i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
