How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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