if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
