No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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