Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize