Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
