Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
