i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need a beard to bite.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
