I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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