By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
