Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
a search helicopter?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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