Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
