I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
